Thoughts

It's one o'clock - a silent night in January.
Nothing has happened yet. 
It's dark, of course. 
I hear nothing but the ticking of my clocks. They are not ticking in harmony: tick-tick...tick-tick...tick-tick.
It's a new year. 2013.
It feels weird. As if 2012 happened in a month or two. It feels like nothing has happened though I'm sure something must have happened. A year can't just go by unnoticed.
It'll be my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'll turn nineteen on the nineteenth. It feels like I wasn't eighteen at all. I remember turning seventeen though. I remember saying: 'Seventeen is such a weird age - you're just not allowed to do everything yet.'
One more year and I won't be a teen anymore. Ah so what, there are people who care, but I don't. You won't suddenly be different when you go from nineteen to twenty.

I love writing down my thoughts, eventhough they might sound a bit gloomy. I'm usually not gloomy, it just feels nice to write my thoughts down. 
Plus: it sounds a lot better in English than it does in Dutch.
I used to have a diary - I still have one, though I haven't written in it for over two years. I think there are a lot of people out there who have a blog only to tell the world their thoughts. And it doesn't even matter if no-one reads it, that's not at all what it's about.
Actually, I don't even have a lot of things on my mind I want to write down. 

I don't have any new year's resolutions. Not one. I can't think of one. Plus - I'll never keep them anyway. There are always things I want though.

I want to meet Tom Hanks, only to check wether he's really as nice in person as he always is in movies. He looks like such a kind, sweet man.
There are a lot of actors and actrices I want to meet. Not to scream and take  pictures, but just to talk and get to know the person behind the characters.

I want to go to New York. I wish I didn't have such a romantic idea of the city but I can't help it. I just want to go there, and live there for a couple of weeks, maybe months. So I can blend in and people won't think I'm a tourist anymore. And to get to know the fashion world, ah fashion...

I want to make my own clothes. I want to design and make them. Yes I know, I'm studying fashion management, but I so do want to design. I drew this dress the other day (yes, I draw sometimes - poorly) which was gorgeous: well, naturally the drawing wasn't gorgeous but the picture in my mind was. 
I just wish I had the ability to actually make it. I dream of creating clothes that take people's breath away - real pieces of art. I don't care if no-one will want to wear them on a daily basis.

I want to work for a fashion magazine and combine all my passions: writing, fashion, maybe even photography.

And, of course, I want the summer to come back. Shorts, nice shirts, skirts, heels. 
I asked my father once what the best day of his life was, and he told me it was the first day he could go to school with no coat on.
He's right - it's delicious.

Oh, there are lots of things I want but can't do or have. Well maybe one day, but for now - I want to sleep! Tomorrow, I'll have to finish the denim jacket I started on. I don't yet know what it's going to look like, but I'm quite sure it'll look better than when I bought it.

Good night Neverland!